With my mouth clamped around the still brushing-electric toothbrush, my fingertips searched my room, tears welling in my eyes. I frantically pulled my bed away, toothbrush finally put aside, hanging my head under the bed, looking for that opal gleam. I ran into the living room, lifting the cushions, this time breaking into full stream of tears. I was late for my number 20, 7:14 bus to get to work.
Two years ago, Tsiki presented me with that Hamsa necklace. He proudly printed off as much information on the Hamsa as he could. He gave this necklace to me as a belated birthday
I wore it ritually since we lost him, it was a memorial to him- symbolic to me of his memory and of that whole world of spirituality we often ignore when our rationale seems to be making sense. Sometimes I’d try and take it off and wear another necklace in it’s place, and then I’d find myself putting it back on before I walked out the door. I always said to myself “it’ll fall off on it’s own, and then it’ll be symbolic”…..then it would be as if time and life are telling me it’s ok to put what that Hamsa means to me in my silken bag along with all that is precious and fragile to me.
-I lightly laughed to myself: couldn’t my symbolic loss of the Hamsa have waited 15 hours? For the fasting grief day of Tisha B’av, also known as the my birthday. Losing my most valuable object, that was a birthday present on my birthday? Wouldn’t that be humorously right-on-the-dot symbolism?? I feel quite naked right now, and a bit mournful. I hate to put too much meaning on material objects, but I really didn’t want to lose it, if anything for it’s beauty.
What’s a Ginrod supposed to do? Start a campaign? “There’s destruction and pain in Lebanon, my fellow countryman in Haifa have been living in bomb shelters while hundreds of rockets land around and above them… but can someone please find my Opal Hamsa!?!?”. It’s almost a disappoint to myself to even have typed that.
As I have symbolically lost it, I will symbolically get over it, and symbolically free myself of putting worth on material objects, because having too many symbols around might turn into idol worship. It’s even worse than drinking wine with Gentiles!
happy Wednesday.present to “keep me from the evil eye when he couldn’t”. That necklace was the most valuable object that I owned.
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