I am intrigued by my subconscious. Some of my readers have told me my writing can be poignant. I realize now that I find my blog therapeutic. A way to keep track of my emotions and let other people tap into my thoughts. I collect them here for myself and for others who may be confused about life as I am sometimes.
It’s no secret that stressful situations allows trauma to relive itself in your subconcious. It’s no surprise to me that I have been plaqued with nightmares. Crying myself awake or to sleep. My mind is speaking to me through my dreams, letting me know it has not forgotten the sadness and the fear. I am confronting these mind conversations with my chin up. I have to know it’s pretty normal, but I wonder who I would be without that knowledge.
For me, dreaming has always been confusing. People will simply dust excuses underneath the rug. Taking away the meaning of a dream because it was “just a dream” or that it “will never happen”. My dreams have always mixed in with reality, extreme details and higher emotions, premonitions, memories all mixed depending on the day, the season, and the moon.
A friend reminded me that my nightmares of late are my deepest fears, and I can agree with her. The problem is is that I have lived those deepest fears. So my nightmares are memories of the nightmare I experienced in which I couldn’t wake up from and at that time period, when I slept I was dreaming of my normal life.
Now, my normal life is moving forward and I know how to walk along my memories and how to tend to my scars but my subconscious is releasing all of its strength during this joyous (stressful) month.
These nightmares are haunting me because of the good place I am in right now. Because it is a fear and not a reality. But I carry life as a treasure, in my silken hankerchef in the pocket of my heart because I know how precious it is. Every moment is not to be taken for granted. But I must learn I cannot fear every moment either. That is coming, but is not completed.
Does this make sense only to me?
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